Believe it or not, it's possible to protect your heart from the dangers of falling for someone who is incapable of love. And also believe it or not, those people do exist. They are called Narcissists, and most of them look just like you and me. Here's how to spot them.
One thing you will need to spot a person who is incapable of love, is some experience. The inexperienced person who falls in love for the first time is capable of being blind sided. If you don't know what you're looking for, you won't know when you see it. A person who can't love can be charming, beautiful, even generous. But we will dissect those qualities so you see what they mean in such a person A person who is charming wants you to like them. It's not about you. A person who is beautiful, is just fortunate, or spends a lot of time taking care of themselves so they can look good on the outside. Again, it's not about you. A person who is generous gives for a variety of reasons. Generous people can give because they genuinely care about others. But sometimes it's because they want to feel good about themselves.
It has been said that narcissists can't love others because they are too in love with themselves. This is actually not true. Narcissists don't love themselves. They hate themselves but they also have huge egos, which are damaged egos. Narcissistts require love from others in order to feed off that love, so they can tolerate themselves. Narcissists have a personality disorder that does not allow them to tell the truth to themselves. If they did tell the truth to themselves, it would go something like this: I hate myself. I can't love anyone outside of myself in a meaningful manner because my emotions are infantile. I feel like an emotional infant and it's always got to be me, me, me, and I know this, and I don't like it, so I'm always mad at everyone around me, because I hate myself for being this way. PLUS, I am a brilliant person, a superior person, I'm talented, smart, gorgeous, so I deserve beautiful amazing people around me, and they should all adore me. But if they do, I'll be mad at them because it will never be enough because everyone around me is a mere reflection of me.
Narcissists don't really see you for who you are. This does not mean they don't understand you. It's just that, even if they do understand you, they don't care. The reason for this is, to a narcissist, you are there for them. You are there for them and you are a reflection of them. Since the narcissist already hates themselves, (too fat, too thin, too poor, too warty, too wrinkled, background too poor, father too abusive, whatever) they want you to be better than they are. But when you are, they judge you for liking them. It's like the old Groucho Marx joke: I would never belong to a club that would have me as a member. If you think the narcissist is good enough for you, then you are not good enough for the narcissist.
When you date a narcissist, they can be very charming and this is a trap. It's really up to you to avoid this trap because the narcissist can't help it. This is an incurable untreatable personality disorder. If you run across a spider who bites you, you can't blame the spider. It's your job to avoid the spider as best you can. It's extremely difficult to avoid a charming narcissist because this is their one huge talent. In the beginning of a relationship, few people are as compelling as a narcissist. It will look as if all your dreams are coming true. Look beyond the charm. How many times has the narcissist been married? How many hearts has this person broken in the past? What are the reasons for the break ups? Question closely, and listen even more closely.
In the end, only you can protect yourself from the trap a narcissist will lay. Just remember, once you enter a relationshiop with a narcissist, you will never get out unless that narcissist gets tired of you. Since you don't really exist for the narcissist as a human being, it will be nothing for this person to drop you like a stone without looking back even once. No ties, no money, no children, no history, certianly no begging or crying will get this person back. This person will view you with nothing less than contempt and annoyance. You are less than nothing to a narcissist and in danger of becoming less than nothing to yourself.
Items you will need
- The ability to be honest with yourself
- Some experience with love in the past
- At the beginning of a relationship, you can spot a narcissist. You just have to have the strength to resist.