Funny Election Jokes

by Mark Keller

Politics in general and the democratic process in particular have long been staples of American humor. Election jokes about campaigning efforts and ballot-box experiences are particularly popular, with political corruption often supplying the punchline.

The Dealmaker

Two friends with radically different political views are on their way to the polls on election day. One guy turns to the other and says "You know, we've argued about this for months, and we're obviously going to vote for different candidates. Our votes will cancel each other out anyways, so why don't we just call it a draw and go home instead?" Other guy agrees, they shake hands and part ways. Another guy who overheard the conversation approaches the dealmaker and says with admiration, "That's a real sportsmanlike offer you just made!" "Not really," guy says, "Just this afternoon I've already done this three times."

Hoya!

A politician gives a stump speech in an Indian reservation, trying to garner the Native American ballot. "If elected, I promise better education for Native Americans," he says. The crowd goes wild, calling out "Hoya! Hoya!" Guy doesn't know what the word means, but he figures, hey, they look excited, so he goes on. "I promise to propose legislation permitting a casino to be built on this reservation," he says. The crowd gets even more frenzied, and keeps shouting "Hoya!" over and over. Encouraged by the cheers, he finishes his speech: "And if elected, I promise to ensure better health care and employment options for Native Americans!" The crowd is at a fever pitch, stamping their feet and yelling "Hoya! Hoya! Hoya!" His speech finished, the guy shakes some hands, kisses some babies, and decides to go on a tour of the reservation before hitting the campaign trail again. Guy comes across a huge herd of cattle, and says to his guide, "I was raised on a ranch, and I've always loved cattle. Mind if I go over and get a closer look?" "Sure," says the guide, "but be careful not to step in the hoya."

Tipping for Votes

Two politicians on the campaign trail encounter each other near a roadside diner, and decide to have a cup of coffee. They shoot the breeze for a while, and then get up to leave. "You know why I'm going to be elected?" guy asks, pulling a wad of bills out of his pocket. "It's because of my generous personality. I always give the waitresses a big tip and ask them for their vote." "That a fact," says the other, "I always ask them to vote for you too . . . but then I tip them a nickel."

Free Drinks

This guy backpacking across the West during the 1980 presidential campaign comes up with a great scheme to get free drinks. He finds out which candidate is popular in the area, walks into a bar and loudly insults the other party's man. Works great, and soon he can figure out who's the favored candidate in a town intuitively, without even asking. So he walks into a bar and shouts "Carter is a horse's ass!" And they throw him out of the bar. Thinking he made a mistake, guy goes back in to correct it, shouting "Reagan is a horse's ass!" But in a moment he's out on the pavement again. A cowboy walks by, so guy says to him, "I can't figure it out. Is this Carter country or Reagan country?" "Son," says the cowboy, "this here is horse country!"

About the Author

Mark Keller has been writing everything from short stories to political commentary over the course of the past decade. He has written professionally since 2009 with articles appearing on LibertyMaven.com, Penguinsightings.org, Pepidemic.com and various other websites. He is a theater major at Hillsdale College in Michigan.

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